Pants on the floor? No star for you!

• By Alison
• 23 January, 2010
• 28 Comments

As you may know already, I am in love with my iphone. Everything that a girl could want to do can be done on it. And when I say everything, I really mean it. But this post isn’t about the “massager app”.

It’s about controlling my children.

[Segue] Oh God, don’t you wish there really WAS an app for that? Like a children remote. It would be like the guy running about in “Aliens in the Attic” under the control of the alien remote which had my kids in hysterics. Left, right, straight ahead. Pick up knickers. Pick up toys. Put toys away. Build an IKEA wardrobe. Invent world peace. 

And it would even have a mute button. Bliss.

Actually, what amused my girls the most about the alien remote was the fact that the guy kept running into a car and falling over.

[Back on topic] This is not quite as exciting as that, but nearly. I promise.

My iPhone helps me keep my children in order because I have a reward chart app on it. 

So wherever I am, I can threaten them with the loss of a star, or an extra star, which I can do immediately. No more forgetting all about it before we get home, which is the real problem with a sticker chart stuck to the wall. 

Plus the app lets me set how many stars will equal a bronze, silver or gold medal, and if they were to get 100% stars, then they’d get a gold trophy. Then it adds them up for me.

I think we all know that a trophy – 100% good behaviour – is just not in the cards. But the medals are. Here the incentive really gets it on. The bronze medal will earn them half of their pocket money, and a silver or gold will earn all of it.

And it really really works. They quiver in fear when I threaten to take away stars, and skip about with pure joy and squeals of childish delight when I award them a star.

The only thing missing is a “black mark” option. Like the digital equivalent of the naughty step. But I consider a lack of a star a black mark. (Because I’m mean and tyrannical like that.)

There are 4 tasks that they need to do each day to earn stars. I have set these 4 tasks, and they range from being ready for school early, to being nice to each other. The latter is the one that earns the least stars from week to week.

And the even bigger joy of it – they love earning pocket money when I press the button to tally up their stars, and I love announcing that they’ve earned it. They feel the pride of the moment. And then we all forget about it completely! I haven’t paid them pocket money in months! And I know from the app that I owe them both about £10. 

But THEY don’t know that.

Still, a sneaky little thought crept into my mind the other day.

I was kicking Mr Boxer Shorts’ boxer shorts (see where his name comes from?) over to his side of the bedroom. He leaves them on the floor in front of the drawers.

That’s communal space. That’s MY space.

I don’t want to have to step on used pants.

And I no longer pick them up. He knows where the washing basket is, so he can transfer them from floor to basket. And it’s not even a washing basket. It’s a washing step.

It’s simples. Take pants in one hand, toss pants out bedroom door onto third stair down. Done. I’ll even collect from the first, second and fourth stairs if necessary.

So if there are pants on the floor in our bedroom, that’s where they stay. On the floor. But I do kick them across the room, round the corner of the bed and into his space.

That’s when the thought occurred to me.

Mr Boxer Shorts needs a star chart too. And I’ve got just the app for that.

I secretly made one so that I could tally up his stars over the week and reward or punish him at the end of the week. I didn’t get the point of thinking up what the reward could actuallybe. He’d probably want to get all hot and heavy – and go rally car driving or something.

I deliberated over what I’d give him stars for. First on the list of course was no pants on the floor. And a very quick second addition was not getting drunk and forgetting to come home at night.

I couldn’t decide what the last two tasks should be. I could be kind, and put “make the bed” because actually – he likes to do that, and often does. (I just wish he wouldn’t do it when I’m still in it.)

Then I remembered that he stacks the dishwasher like a junkie looking for his next fix. So that was added (that is – to NOT stack it like he’s on crack).

Then I very kindly added “bring me coffee in bed” because I knew he’d get a star at least once a week for that, since he HAS to bring my coffee in bed in Sunday mornings as it’s my lie in day. (And I text him and remind him until he arrives with it. I was once in bed waiting until 11am on a day when he forgot it. Boy was I MAD! I had things to get done!)

The star chart was made, used, and then forgotten about. A little in-joke with myself. But then the other day the girls were checking out their own charts – sliding from one to the other – and suddenly found the one for Mr Boxer Shorts when they overslid.

There were squeals to high range that all the bats fell off the rafters. They thought the chart was hilarious. And they immediately started making one for me.

Whoops.

Luckily for me, I got to guide them on this one – mostly because I’m the only one who knows how to set it up and I did all the typing. And vetoing. But they weren’t cruel like I was, and they probably have no idea of what my worst habits are.

I expected them to give me things like “don’t scream like a banshee at us”, “don’t demean us with that sarcasm crap.”, “cook scrambled eggs every day”.  

But check this out – one of the tasks they gave me was to “say I love you every day”. I’m rocking that one in.

I also convinced them that it was my job to get them off to school (because it IS!) and that I should tidy the kitchen and fold the laundry. Very pedestrian – but do-able! I know, I cheated.

Then we set one up for the cat. He’s not doing too well on his. He doesn’t seem to get the concept of not scratching the furniture or biting Mr Boxer Shorts at 4am while he sleeps.

The minute Mr Boxer Shorts walked in the door they immediately ran to show it to him what we’d created. Let’s just say that he was less than amused. The eyebrows went up and got stuck for about 20 minutes.

The girls spent the next week hooting with glee about the pants on the floor. Because they are still there.

Some of it is working though – two weeks running I’ve had coffee in bed on a Friday as well as a Sunday!

That’s a star for you, my boy!

And since today is our 11th wedding anniversary, and he remembered it – actually I had to ask him the other day what the date of our anniversary is, and he knew – he gets an extra star.

A big fat eleven years of marriage and he’s still a wonderful sweetheart who I love madly, truly and deeply star.

Happy anniversary darling, tonight you may leave your pants on the floor.